How to Avoid the Expectation Traps in the Relationships?

Do you feel your partner is not involved in the relationship as much as you are? You put in more efforts than he/she puts?

Psychologists say, overly emotional people are victims to ‘Expectation Traps’. These people lack confidence, or fear that the relationship would not last long, hence they put in more than needed effort, and when their partner does not equally give back, they fall in the trap.

In today’s generation, we generally skip the ‘Getting to know each other well’ time. Everything is moving with immense pace, and so are our relationships. Hence, our partner doesn’t seem to know our likes/dislikes, which results into expectation traps.

Following are the ways you can either not fall into the trap at all, or come out of it once you are in it.

  • Find your individuality-

Sometimes being over dependent on your partner also leads to the expectation trap. Find for a few things you like doing when you are alone. Take a day off from your relationship; spend time with your family, friends or colleagues. Create a space where you spend time with yourself, maybe you are just overthinking, and you might realise on further contemplation.

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  • Talk to your partner

The best way to feel lighter is to talk to your partner. There is a high possibility that your partner might not realise there is something problematic in the relationship. This can be a difficult conversation but you will be through it, if your partner listens to you, and not just hears. Tell him/her how you feel about putting in more efforts, and how he/she should express more sometimes.

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  • Prepare a list

 Prepare a list of everything that your partner has done till date, remind yourselves of the better times, and then enjoy that state of mind, until it confuses itself by overthinking hence again.

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  • Restrict yourself from fulfilling basic expectations of your partner

 If the above does not work well, try and put in lesser efforts for a day or two, if your partner notices your behavioural change, (there can be a lot of reasons of things going unnoticed, so please be extremely rational here before coming to a conclusion) you must know that your partner cares about you, and things are in control.

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  • Try spending some quality time with your partner

 Plan for a day out, remind yourself how happy you two are, you may also subtly discuss about how you might be expecting a little more than what he/she is doing.

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There is a possibility that the expectations settings were wrongly set or your partner might be giving his/her 100% and that might not be enough. However, you must always remember that regardless of everything, you are one, unique and a priceless individual who is supposed to smile.

 

 

 

Signs of Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

“With power comes responsibility.”

Unfortunately not everyone seems to understand this. A relationship is more like a companionship that involves physical, mental and emotional intimacy between two people. However, sometimes our emotions overpower the wrong doings of our partner, and we happen to overlook the injustice happening to ourselves.

Abuse is a very strong word, and its practice only makes a person weaker. However, emotional abuse is the most dangerous one. Sometimes we don’t even realise the changes we are going through, while we are in a relationship which might turn out to be very unhealthy for our individual self.

The reasons of emotional abuse can be inferiority, narcissism, ego, etc.

However the signs of emotional abuse are very subtle and we need to ensure that we keeping our individual respect intact, regardless of the intensity with which we love our partner.

Following are a few signs of emotional abuse.

  1. Your partner makes you feel incapable/unworthy/undeserving– He/she brings in the idea of self-doubt in your mind, which makes you feel very low of yourself.

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  2. Your partner always prioritizes what himself/herself– You have a feeling of your partner being selfish.

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  3. Your partner reminds you of his/her ex often- Your partner begins to compare you with his/her past relationships and how they were better than the present.

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  4. Your partner is over possessive- You feel like you have almost given up on your individual space. Your partner has taken control over everything that you do, be it the least important aspect of your life. It is your partner who takes decisions and you don’t have a say.

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  5. Your partner practises narcissist behaviour- The idea of him/her being the best, or never wrong. Your partner dominates you, the reason being his/her superiority in everything.

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Relationships are very beautiful, but so are you. Not only it is difficult to go through emotional abuse, but it also gets difficult to be comfortable in being your own self. You begin to lose confidence in yourself and everything that you do. A vicious loop of things not working out forms, and you blame yourself for everything that happens, but your partner happens to take pride in your failure which only makes you feel worse. It also gets extremely difficult to get out of such relationships, because a person totally loses on his/her self-esteem. But it is very important.

Hence, if you feel your partner is emotionally abusing you, take the step further, and believe that you deserve better!