Do you feel your partner is not involved in the relationship as much as you are? You put in more efforts than he/she puts?
Psychologists say, overly emotional people are victims to ‘Expectation Traps’. These people lack confidence, or fear that the relationship would not last long, hence they put in more than needed effort, and when their partner does not equally give back, they fall in the trap.
In today’s generation, we generally skip the ‘Getting to know each other well’ time. Everything is moving with immense pace, and so are our relationships. Hence, our partner doesn’t seem to know our likes/dislikes, which results into expectation traps.
Following are the ways you can either not fall into the trap at all, or come out of it once you are in it.
- Find your individuality-
Sometimes being over dependent on your partner also leads to the expectation trap. Find for a few things you like doing when you are alone. Take a day off from your relationship; spend time with your family, friends or colleagues. Create a space where you spend time with yourself, maybe you are just overthinking, and you might realise on further contemplation.
- Talk to your partner–
The best way to feel lighter is to talk to your partner. There is a high possibility that your partner might not realise there is something problematic in the relationship. This can be a difficult conversation but you will be through it, if your partner listens to you, and not just hears. Tell him/her how you feel about putting in more efforts, and how he/she should express more sometimes.
- Prepare a list
Prepare a list of everything that your partner has done till date, remind yourselves of the better times, and then enjoy that state of mind, until it confuses itself by overthinking hence again.
- Restrict yourself from fulfilling basic expectations of your partner
If the above does not work well, try and put in lesser efforts for a day or two, if your partner notices your behavioural change, (there can be a lot of reasons of things going unnoticed, so please be extremely rational here before coming to a conclusion) you must know that your partner cares about you, and things are in control.
- Try spending some quality time with your partner
Plan for a day out, remind yourself how happy you two are, you may also subtly discuss about how you might be expecting a little more than what he/she is doing.
There is a possibility that the expectations settings were wrongly set or your partner might be giving his/her 100% and that might not be enough. However, you must always remember that regardless of everything, you are one, unique and a priceless individual who is supposed to smile.